Beamer Bros
Party Dog
“Popi, I have a problem.” Not what a dad wants to hear from his son.
“Can you help me?” Music to a dad’s ears.
As our kids had grown up, I had told each of them that things were changing. I told them that as they grew into adulthood, I hoped that we would become friends. Oh, they would always be my children; I would always be their dad. But sometimes when we talked, it would be friend-to- friend, and sometimes, it would be dad-to-son or daughter. Sometimes, I would make the call. Sometimes, they would. This time, my son did.
“What’s up, Doggie?” I asked.
And so it began.
“I’m getting married – in less than a year!”
That I knew. So – what was the problem? Certainly, it had nothing to do with The Talk. We were years past that. It knew it had nothing to do with his fiancé. She was perfect in every way, and they were very much in love. Money? I doubted that. Shea was becoming very successful in his professional life. Health? He was about as fit as they come. So…?
“Yeah, I know that. Kendra’s wonderful! You are a lucky man. Like we say – if anything happens between you two, we gonna miss…you. So, what’s going on?”
“Dad”, (Hesitation.) “Dad – it’s the bridal party. I don’t know who to have as my groomsmen at the wedding.” He said this with such seriousness, such earnestness, such intensity that I almost burst out laughing.
To set some context, Shea is one of those charmed people in the world who makes friends at every turn. Not that he tries. Not that he fakes it. Not that he cajoles. It just happens. He walks into a new situation and walks out with half a dozen new buddies. If ever there is someone he does not like, someone he does not want to befriend, then there is something decidedly wrong with that person. The rest of us may never see, feel, or understand it all, but that’s the way it is. As a result, he has dozens of friends – best friends – all over the country – the world, even.
That may sound like hyperbole, but it’s true. We all have friends. Some of us have good, even very good, friends. But most can count our “best friends” on a few fingers. A hand maybe. Not my son. Even using all his fingers and toes, he still needs several more digits to count even most of them.
So I almost burst out laughing. I didn’t, though. Not then, at least. He continued.
“Kendra has three sisters. And my sister, Noe. Plus a couple of her best friends and teammates. She’s figuring one maid of honor and 6 bride’s maids. That’s 7 girls. She’s got ‘em covered. I’ve got one brother; Sean is going to be my best man. That means I have to come up with 6 other guys to fill out the wedding party.”
Very seriously, he added, “Only six! I have no idea who to ask!”
Now, I actually did start to chuckle. My mind raced back in time to a different kind of party several years before.
“Hey Mom and Dad, I’m gonna be 11 this year. I think I’m getting a little too old for a – y’know – a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party thing. So, I was thinking…..can I just invite a couple friends and maybe we go for dinner? Maybe pizza or sushi or something. At a real restaurant?”
Whoa! That was a surprise. This was coming from the kid who invited over a dozen friends to a Harry Potter-themed party before there were Harry Potter-themed anythings. The kid who loved having birthday parties at the skate rink, or the swimming pool – or Chuck E. Cheese. With as many friends as possible. Now at 11, he was all grown up and wanting a more intimate sushi celebration. Again, whoa!
“Sure,” we said. “That sounds like a good idea. Let’s say, you can invite 2 or 3 buddies and we’ll find a good place to go for dinner.” Done deal.
Or so we thought.
As it got closer to his birthday, we checked to see who the lucky buddies on the invitation list were going to be. This guy had a lot of friends and choosing a couple was going to be a challenge for him. We had an idea who he considered his closest buds, but when we asked, we got an earful.
“I was thinking Grif, Connor, and Trevin, but then I also want to invite Cody, Mike, Tyler. But if I did that, I’d have to ask Sawyer, Blake, Conner. Nick and Brandon. Oh, Evan and Johnny, …. .” More names came rolling out. By the time we stopped him, he was well past 15 and heading for 20 of his closest, bestest buddies.
“Whoa! Hold up! That’s a lot more than 2 or 3 – or 4,” Mom said. “We can’t take all those guys to sushi. Can you narrow it down to just maybe, let’s say, 5, max?”
“Oh yea, thanks, Mom. Max, too.” (Oops. I wanted to ask which one. He had 3 buddies named Max.) So, in the end, we settled on 5 friends.
Time passed. We checked in again. This time, after growing to 15 and narrowing to 5, there were still more than a dozen names of ‘must invites’ and another eight to ten of “if so-and-so comes-then-I-have-to-invite-this-guy-too” names. Time was running out, and the list was growing longer. We gave it one more shot. This time, we suggested a few starter names, but there seemed to be no way to trim the list. After all, they were all his best besties.
“Ok, then, let’s skip dinner and just have a party,” we said. “We can still do something different, but if you want to invite everybody, that’s fine. We’ll just have to come up with a new plan.” So that’s what we did.
Plan B was actually pretty simple and straightforward. We would hold his birthday party at Cottage Lake Park. It was near close to home. It had picnic pavilions where we could have food and cake, a play area with swings, a teeter-totter, and climbing toys. It had a big space to run around, play ball or whatever, and, of course, it had the lake. All we would need to do was reserve to a space, get some easy, kid-friendly food, drinks, and a cake. Oh, and goody bags. Done!
Getting invitations out was easy. Shea took care of that. We followed up with all the parents to let them know that the party was real. They were all invited to stay if they wanted to do so. After all, how often did they get to hang out with a bunch of 10- and 11-year-old boys, all hyped up on cake and ice cream, at the same time?
In the end, there were (only) 25 boys, including our son. A couple couldn’t make it that day! We had soccer balls, whiffle balls, basketballs & footballs. We had burgers and dogs to grill. Chips and veggies to snack on. Juices to drink. Cake and ice-cream to keep them all hyped up. The weather cooperated, and all but one of the other parents opted to take some free time of their own.
The boys arrived. The parents left. The party started.
It was hard to miss all the “Lost Dog” signs posted around the park that day. Someone had just lost a pet in or near the park. The picture showed a cute little guy named Rusty, not much more than a puppy. The owner’s phone number was there with an added note that there was a $25 dollar reward.
One of the boys – Tyler, as I remember – said he thought he saw a little dog in the bushes near the lake at one corner of the park. Two guys saw it. Then three.
The chase was on!
To make a long story short, it was the dog. The boys hunted, chased, and finally caught him. We contacted the owner who was very happy. She came to the park to pick Rusty up, and gave me one $20 and one $5 dollar bill. Ordinarily, I would have refused the reward, but under the circumstances, I left the party, went to a nearby Safeway, and traded the two bills in for 25 $1’s. In the end, everybody was happy, but the boys were ecstatic! They had an adventure, more sugar than they needed, and they each went home with a goody bag and a buck! And so it all worked out.
In the end, it was the best birthday party ever.
Over the years, the stalwart, earnest band of buddies expanded. As that 11-year-old went on to middle school, high school, and college, as he played sports, had jobs, and traveled, his cadre of best-best friends only grew! Classmates. Roommates. Teammates. Co-workers. A brother-in-law he saw as a 2nd brother.
Over time, friends separated, went their separate ways. But they regrouped. Frequently. They had away games to play, and fantasy sports drafts to fill out in fun places. They had weekend getaways, holiday parties, bachelor parties, and other events all over the country. They watched each other go on to build careers in a range of endeavors, to play professional sports, marry, move – and move back. Together, they experienced life, death, and birth, joy, sorrow, and more. Occasionally, they took in newcomers, and they all stayed close.
None of which helped solve my son’s current problem: groomsmen. His age-old birthday dilemma had only grown with the passage of time.
Now I chuckled out loud. This time, my mind was racing ahead.
“OK,” I started. “Let’s talk about this. You need to choose 7 guys. You have one, your brother. You still need 6 more. You are blessed to have a problem like this, my friend.” He nodded in agreement, his expression somewhere between a smile and a frown.
There was a brief, thoughtful pause. That’s when my brain filled and some what-ifs kicked in.
“What if….?” I asked…then paused again.
“What if…?” he repeated. “What if what, Popi?”
A list of options began to rumble in my head, and slowly tumble out my mouth.
“Ok, Doggie, first, let’s be practical. What if you checked schedules – like now? It’s very possible that some guys might not be able to make your date. You know – work, games, family obligations, babies…. Who knows? That might take a name or two out of the running.”
That seemed to make sense as a starting point.
“Then,” I went on….and here it got fun….
“What if you made a list of all your friends, cut it up, and pulled 6 names out of a hat – lottery-style?” (Seriously? No!)
What if you chose 6 based on their looks – the handsomest of all your besties to match up with those beautiful bride’s maids? (Never happen, but the look he gave me was priceless. He chuckled. Knowing his friends, this “what if” would only compound his problem.)
What if you put everybody’s name on a giant ballot, sent it out and have your friends rank order the top 6? (Another no.)
What if you played a giant round-robin rock-paper-scissors game — and the last 6 winners were the ones? (A smile. A smirk.)
What if you chose one old friend, one classmate, one roommate, one teammate, one workmate, one brother-in-law, and one….one other guy as back-up? (A thinking face, and a smile.)
What if you had a giant free-for-all? A sort of friendly brawl and the toughest 6 were the ones? (A chuckle, but not a no.)
What if you only had brothers and brothers-in-law – yours and hers…and Uncle Kimo and a cousin or two? (The look again said, “Seriously?”)
What if they bid? The honor goes to the 6 highest bidders? It could pay for your honeymoon! (A thumbs up…thumbs down.)
What if you lay out the dilemma and ask everybody for their input? You let them decide! (A look of consideration.)
What if Mom and I decide for you? We could choose our 6 favorites! (A shocked looked and a definite shake of the head.)
What if you have all your friends dress exactly the same at the wedding? Nobody gets left out, and none of the other guests knows who is actually in the wedding party? (A frown.)
What if you only have Sean as your Best Man? Only.” (A pause. A smile. Furrowed eyebrows.)
The options kept coming. They seemed endless, fun, and maybe a little thought provoking. But obviously not all that serious.
Finally, I stopped. I looked directly at Shea, and said simply, “Doggie, they all know how you feel about them. Each and every one. What if you just follow your gut – and your heart?” (The biggest smile yet!)
That big smile closed our conversation. In the end, he still had tough choices to make, but the topic was out in the open. And he did have options.
Time passed. Planning went on in earnest. I checked in with him again. He thought maybe he was getting closer. He found out that there actually were one or two who might not be able to make the wedding. That helped, if only a little bit.
“Great!” I said. “Who’s in?!”
“Well, Pops, Sean and Chris, of course.” (A brother and brother-in-law) “And I’m thinking that I will ask….” And he listed off the names of four great friends. As I heard the names, I thought, “Sounds like the old friend, classmate, roommate, teammate thing. Or maybe the handsome thing….”
Then he added, “But I still need one or two more. So I was thinking….” And the list went on. Again.
He was closer. Not there yet, but closer.
So was the wedding.
As I listened, one thing was becoming more certain all the time, though. It was going to be one hell of a bachelor’s party!
But ….where? Somewhere in Washington? Arizona, maybe? Colorado? Hawaii? Vegas? SoCal! Then, there’s always…..
Fortunately, that would be someone else’s decision.
