Heartland In Hawaii

I Loved Her First

Heartland In Hawaii

As with all our children, this pregnancy was a fluke. By all accounts, we should not have gotten pregnant – at least not so quickly or easily. With our first, a son, it became obvious as soon as Laulani started to show that the baby was going to be a boy. Now with this second pregnancy, she showed so differently that we assumed that it must be a girl.

We were right.  On a misty-sunny Monday morning in early August, our daughter was born. We had been working on names for months. Coming from Irish and Hawaiian backgrounds, both Laulani and I understood the power of words. The ability to name something – or someone – was not to be taken lightly. For our children, we wanted each to carry his or her cultural heritage in their names. Our firstborn son was Sean Kanoa. John, a family name, is ‘God’s gift’. Sean is the Irish form of John. Kanoa carries Laulani’s maiden name, Noa; Kanoa translates as the one freed from kapu. Our loose translation is ‘free spirit.’ Now, we had a daughter to name. Her name had to be as lovely as she would be. We called her Siobhan Kanoelani. Siobhan, a Gaelic form of Joan, is also a gift from God. Kanoelani is the mist from Heaven, Heavenly mist, like the August Monday morning of her birth. We called her Noelani, or simply Noe, from the moment of her arrival.

I held her first.

After Noe’s birth, I left the hospital that morning and went to pick up Sean from our neighbor’s house. He and I then went to see Laulani’s cousin Byron to share the good news. It would give Sean some time to play with his two young cousins, Byron’s son and daughter. It also gave him some time to let the idea of being a big brother settle in.

When Byron heard about the new baby girl, he was thrilled. “Brah,” he said both laughing and seriously, “Brah, you have a daughter. A daughter! That is amazing. Just wait. A daughter,” he repeated. “Let me see the finger that baby girl is going tie you around!”

Time passed. Years passed. Noelani grew into a young woman. Monday’s child may be fair of face, but it’s hard to describe just how ‘fair’ she became. Her beauty was obvious on the outside, but it came from deep on the inside. The word which best describes that beauty is profound. Noe was a head-turner.  A heart-acher. Never a heart-breaker, though. That would hurt. She was the nicest person I knew. Not that she didn’t have a temper. Not that she couldn’t be stubborn. But she would never deliberately hurt anyone. Inside and out, Noelani was profoundly beautiful.

Noe’s first formal dance came when she was in the 9^th grade. She and Laulani were excited. Together, they found an elegant, classic floor length gown in silver. Her hair was done up, not fussy coifed up. Just simple. Her makeup was minimal.  Her date, corsage in hand, came to the door while his mom waited in the car. When Noe walked into the room, the young man’s reaction was priceless. He did an eye-popping double take, and his knees literally buckled when he saw her.

Over the years, there were many more proms, formal and informal dances, tolos, and parties. There were, of course, boyfriends as well. Like the dances, there were many along the way. However, one day not long after graduating from college, Noe asked if she could invite a young man home to meet the family. His name was Chris. They had met at school. She liked him. Nothing serious. He lived in Colorado. She had mentioned something about him before graduation. Would that be OK? Of course, we said. We would love to meet Chris.

We had met the other young men in Noe’s life. They had all come by at one time or another. Some more often than others; some over longer periods of time than others. Our family has a kind of rite of acceptance. Mom and Dad rarely said negative things about boyfriends – unless there was something outrageous, of course. But her brothers…the brothers were a different story. They spoke their minds. If a young man did not pass the brother test, he rarely lasted very long.

Chris arrived on another August day, this one on 2005. I saw Noe and Chris drive up the driveway and walk up the sidewalk, and I knew. Chris was a tall, handsome, soft-spoken, well-mannered, easy-to-be-around young man. Friendly and relaxed, he was a gentleman. He’d worked hard putting himself through college. He also played baseball. Damn! He was good. In short order that day, he passed the brother test, as well. I knew that my place as #1 man in Noe’s life had been usurped.

Before long, it became official. Noe and Chris were engaged. Wedding planning kicked in in earnest. The dress, the church, bridesmaids. Invitation lists, colors, flowers, the dress. Cake, food, music. The dress. The reception. The groomsmen. The misty green and fuchsia colors of the Phalaenopsis orchid. Scores of candles in just the same shade of green. The church, in Hawaii, the one in which Laulani and I had been married years before. A reception in Waikiki. The dress. Each piece of planning generated a list of its own. Noe had an eye for design, for color, for detail. She had a vision of what she wanted, of what her wedding was to look like. “I want people to come to our wedding in Hawaii and get goose pimples when they walk in,” she told us.

For my part, I had just one request. Just one detail which I wanted to have a say in. I wanted to be able to choose the music for the bride and dad dance. That was all. I would walk Noe down the aisle, eat any food, wear whatever clothes were chosen for me to wear. I would do whatever else I was told to do. But I did want to choose the song we were going to dance to.

There were no objections.

I already knew the song. It was a country waltz called “I Loved Her First”. Sung by the group Heartland, it tells the story of a dad watching his daughter dance with her new husband. It speaks of how hard it is to give her away and of his hopes for their future together. As he watches his new son-in-law holding his daughter, he remembers that it was he, dad, who had held her first. I knew from the first time I heard the song that it was the one I would one day dance to with Noelani.

For her part, Noe was familiar with the song. She thought it had a pretty melody, As a waltz, she thought it’d be a nice song for us to dance to. Laulani had not heard it. She was dubious as it was a country song, but she trusted that I wouldn’t go too far into the twang with my choice.

Over the months of planning, as I was driving around town, “I Loved Her First” often came on the radio. If I could do so, I would try to call Noe’s cell phone and let it play as I drove.

As we got closer to Noe and Chris’s wedding day, details began to fall into place. We had accumulated dozens of boxes of those perfect green candles along with the zen-like trays and decorative stones they came with. Now, we had to get them all, candles, candle holders, trays and stones, to Hawaii from the mainland. Given the quantity and weight, that was looking lore and more daunting as our time frame shortened.

Laulani was on the phone one day with her cousin Pua’ala on Oahu. The conversation centered around the wedding, of course. Lau mentioned the candle dilemma. “Eh,” cousin Pua’ala said, “we can come up to the mainland and pick’em up for you. Bully, Noho and me.” At first it sounded like a joke, but Pua added, “You know, we all fly on da kine passes, eh. We can come up, split ‘em up, and each bring some back home wit us. As long as we can stay wit you guys when we up there.” It was actually an excellent idea. Both Pua and Noho worked for the airlines, and they could fly for free. They could carry the candles as baggage and get them to Hawaii. Whatever was left over, we could then ship. In addition, it would be great fun to have Pua’ala, Noho and Bully at our house for a few days in the meantime.

While they were visiting, we talked wedding plans. Since Bully and Noho also had a son with an upcoming wedding, they’ too, were fully engulfed in wedding plans. Everybody had a story – stories. Funny, horrific, busy, family wedding planning stories. We laughed a lot.

I told them about the song I wanted to dance to with Noelani. They hadn’t heard of it, but they did want to listen to it. I pulled out my laptop and did a quick You Tube search. We sat around our kitchen table, Laulani, Pua’ala, Noho, Bully and I. I adjusted the sound and clicked the link to play the Heartland video. They listened. They liked the tune, the waltz, but they wanted to hear the words mo’ betta.  I played it again. They concentrated on the lyrics. Before it had finished playing the second time, everyone at the table was in tears. Every one of us. “Brah, dat’s beautiful,” Bully said. “Can you pull it off without losing it?”

That was going to be my challenge. I was in tears every time I heard it. I was determined to listen to it enough times to become desensitized, to overcome my emotions. Oddly enough, it was just about that same time that Noe called me.

“Daddy,” she said, “I just listened to that song! I mean really listened to it. I cried. Oh, my God, Daddy. I don’t know if I can dance to that with you without bawling.” We would get through it, I reassured her.

Sacred Heart Church is on Wilder Street in Honolulu, Oahu, across the street from Punahou School. It’s beautiful. Stained glass windows and koa wood. For the wedding, the altar was decked with sprays of orchids, the aisles lined with orchid pillars. Noe carried an orchid bouquet as did each of the girls in the wedding party. When I first saw Noe at the church, my knees buckled. She was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen. Radiant. Elegant. Classic. Profound.

Chris was waiting at the altar, tall, proud, and handsome, looking elegant, himself, in his linen suit.

The bridesmaids all looked lovely; the groomsmen were all very handsome.

Aunty Jolene, Noe’s wedding planner, made sure that everyone made it through the ceremony. That, in itself, was no mean feat, but that’s a whole ‘nother set of stories for another day.

After the “I do’s” were promised, the licenses signed, and the recessional played, the wedding party headed to the reception at the Haiku Gardens of the Hale Koa Hotel on Waikiki Beach. The bride and groom actually stopped off at a Burger King along the way to grab some food to tide them over. The rest of us went straight to the hotel. Lau and I arrived before most of the guests. That gave us an opportunity to see how all those lists had been transformed into real life. Kelly, one of Noe’s bridesmaids, was also among the first to arrive.

She walked into the reception area and looked around. I saw her gasp. I happened to be standing close by. She turned to me and said, “This is breath taking! It gives me goose bumps.” I’ll have to tell that to Noe, I thought.

The reception was joyful. People mingles, danced, ate and drank. All celebrated. Uncle Bully emceed. Brothers told stories. Everyone laughed. Auntie danced graceful hulas. Soon it was time for the formal dances.

Noe and I were to start. We would dance our dance. Then the other parents were brought onto the dance floor. Others would join in. But first, Noe and I were to start.

We walked to the middle of the dance floor. I held her in my arms. The music started. We had each approached this dance in the same way. We had desensitized ourselves so we could dance. And so we did. We danced and we laughed. We enjoyed the dance, but as we glanced around the hall, we saw lots of friends and relatives wiping away tears. The beautiful waltz was having an impact. The two of us dance and we laughed.

I handed Noe off to Chris. They danced. The guests cheered. Noe found Chris’s dad; Chris found his mom. I found Laulani. Soon the whole bridal party joined in. Then family and friends. It was a wonderful expression of the bonds uniting families and friends, crossing cultures and continents, creating lifetime memories.

After a time, the evening ended. To tell you the truth, it did not end quickly. People wanted the festivities to continue, the party to roll on. But like all good things, it did have to come to an end. It ended as a new family had been established, recognized and celebrated. Chris and Noe danced on their way, each holding the one they loved.

I, too, left happy knowing that I had held her and I loved her first.